They're just bruised.

How many of your own one of these?

I have one. I like it. It has a fancy power boost button.

It has a warning on it. It says, "UNPLUG BEFORE REMOVING OR INSERTING PARTS,"

I see it every time I put the beaters in it. I don't always read it, but I see it. Sometimes I follow those instructions, sometimes I don't.

I should ALWAYS follow the instructions. I guess you know where this is going.

This morning I didn't. I plugged in the mixer and was putting the beaters in, and I got bumped. I pushed the boost button and on the beaters went, with my hand on them. Or fingers I should say. It was hardly on a second, and they were getting beat.

I knew it was going to hurt, and as the milliseconds slowed and I waited for the neurons relay the message to my brain, you know what my thought was?

"Maybe I broke my fingers and I won't have to talk today."

And then it hurt. Like slamming your finger in the door.

My dad came over and asked, "Are you bleeding?"

"No." And then my fingers caught on fire, well not literally, but it felt like it. Maybe I should run it under cold water. Don't asked me about my reasoning... my neurons are firing off pain signals like crazy and I'm somehow serenely calm. I even took off my ring, because I thought, "this is gonna swell, better get it off now."

Michael gets brilliant and gets the ice out as I'm running my fingers under the cold water. My dad asks, "Do you thinks it's broken? Can you move your fingers? Let me see it."

Well, no. I don't think it's broken because I think it would hurt more and I think I couldn't move my fingers. They hurt, but it's like slamming your fingers in the drawer... it really hurts at first but after a few seconds it stops. It's not hurting as much.

They're just bruised. Swelling, yes. Broken, not so much.

I think I should feel blessed. My fingers went through a hand mixer, and they are just a little stiff, swollen and bruised. But somehow, I still had to talk in church and I kind of wanted them to be broken so I didn't have to talk.

Broken fingers or talking in church?

What would you pick?

Couldn't you have just heard Michael speaking? "Angela wanted to get out of talking so bad, she turned the mixer on her hand, she's fine just a little doped up on pain medication."

Haha... oh well.